Wednesday 1 August 2007 = THEN
I am a calendar month in hospital today. But hurray, I am
being allowed home for a few hours to see how I manage. I am nervous but really
looking forward to being in my own home again.
I can’t wait to see Cathal and I am hoping I get to see
Emma. She is having teeth out today and I reckon it will be tough on her.
My brother collected me and we got home. It was so
lovely to be around familiar things. I gave Watchie [my cat] a huge hug but she
felt too heavy so I had to put her down. I have no strength at all. I am an eight stone weakling. I looked in the mirror in my bedroom and it was the first proper look since 4 July and I am officially a stick insect. I am so thin. I have no clothes to fit me. I have gone from being a size 20 to God knows what size.
Cathal came home with his minder and at first he was
hesitatant as though it could not possibly be me in the hall. We didn’t tell
him I was coming home, just in case something went wrong. A two year old would
not understand.
He hesitated and then he threw himself into my arms and I
think everyone watching cried a few tears - well I certainly did. It was just the best feeling ever to be
able to hug him and drink in his scent. A stand out moment for me.
I had to have a lie down as I felt weak and Watchie came up
and curled up on my feet. I guess she missed me too.
Emma came home with Bryan and she was in bits. They took out
four teeth. She had a terrible time waking up. I sat with her in my arms on the
couch and tried to take away her discomfort. She was weak and groggy and I felt
so bad about not being there for her.We sent her off to bed to sleep it off.
The few hours passed too quickly for me and Emma was still sleeping
when it was time for me to leave to go back to the hospital. Cathal cried. He
was so upset to see me going again. How can a two year old process all that was
happening? For all he knew I was going and might never be back. We reassured
him that I was just going back to tidy up my room and to get all my things and
that I would be home as soon as I could.
His face was pressed up to the window and his little hand
waving to me as we left. Another little piece of my heart broke seeing him like that.
I was so tired when I go back to the hospital. I changed
into PJs and the nurses came in and sorted my meds. I reckon I was asleep
before I hit the pillow.
A great day.
Wednesday 1 August 2012 = NOW
I got quite emotional reading back over that. I remember how awful Emma felt and how bad I felt because I was not with her holding her hand. When Cathal saw me and just threw himself at me that day. It was like winning the lottery for me.
My heart really broke that evening when I had to leave him and Emma again. It was tough.
Cathal was only two at the time and Emma was nine and it was so hard. It was a tough few weeks for all of us.
Now Cathal is almost 8 and he still throws himself at me and tells me how much he loves me. For a while after I got out of hospital back in August 2007, he used to come over and hug me and thank me for coming home to him! Imagine a two year old thanking his mother for coming home.
Emma is 15 and has just done her Junior Cert. It's great to get to this point, five year's later.
So 1 August 2012 is the start of my Summer holidays and even though the weather is terrible, we will make the most of it.
I am healthy and strong and can get up to all sorts of things.
Happy Days!
B
xxxxxx
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