Tuesday 7 August 2007 and Tuesday 7 August 2012 THEN AND NOW

Tuesday 7 August 2007 = THEN 

A normal work day for people but not for me. Cathal went off to his minder and Emma did not stir until nearly 11am. She came into me in the bed and we watched Cribs.

More post arrived and there was a very funny photo collage from work which really lifted my spirits. People have been amazing with cards, calls, texts, flowers and all sorts of relics and prayers. 

Monday 6 August 2007 and Monday 6 August 2012

Monday 6 August 2007 Bank Holiday Monday = THEN

I had to wake Cathal at 9am and Emma was away on a sleepover. We went up to the Whitewater and there were very few shops open. I was delighted to be doing something so normal and boring.

I felt very sick all of a sudden in the centre and I had to make a dash to the toilet. It was not good. I felt weak and shaky. 

I am still not eating but I tried a drink of smoothie which was okay for about three sips and then I felt sick. 

It is very hard to keep on top of things in the house. I was talking to my mum in law and she was horrified that I am on my own and intends to come up. I was so relieved.

I dozed on the couch while Cathal was having his nap this afternoon. I am so tired and weak and useless!

The cat is pregnant again and about to drop any day. Another thing which I  failed to attend to due to my sickness. This could be a whole litter of kittens this time instead of the one she had in May. Oh dear. 

Eating is still not great and I just need courage to try. I am so scared of being as sick as I was in hospital that I am afraid to try. I am getting weaker I think and afraid they will readmit me to Tallaght when they see me.

I am amazed that I am not teary and weepy. Maybe I have no spare fluids?

I went for a nap at the same time as Cathal went for his nap.

Despite everything that is going on with me - it is so great to be home.

Monday 6 August 2012 = NOW

People who know me will understand why feeling so weak and helpless was so frustrating for me. All my life I have been the doer, the one with loads of energy, the one who stays up late and is still up early the next morning. This time five year's ago I could not walk up the stairs. I could not stand for very long without feeling tired and I could not do any kind of housework worth talking about. 

It was very hard to feel so useless.

Today, despite all the housework which awaits me, I am glad to have the energy to do it [really?]. LOL. Well okay, if I could just avoid the ironing then that would be great.

B xx

Back to the Then and Now Sunday 5 August 2007 and 2012

It's time to go back to the Then and Now part of the blog. I was thrilled to find out I have been shortlisted for the Blog Awards Ireland but it's time to get back to the story. Note: To get the best out of this story, you need to read the blog from the start, i.e 4 July 2007 and 4 July 2012.

Sunday 5 August 2007 = THEN 

I woke just before 9am. Cathal came in and was snuggling. We had planned an outing but the weather was too bad. Emma was in and out all day in the rain and of course Cathal wanted to do the same. He is very clingy at the moment, which is to be expected and sure all I can do is sit around anyway so that suits him. My legs feel like two lumps of lead. I have no energy. Cathal wants to be lifted but I can’t. I know I will get stronger with time but it is so slow.

Sunday 5 August 2012 = NOW

It's the first Sunday I don't have a show since last Summer. I have taken a break from my Sunday morning radio show for the month of August. I have always wanted to do radio and it took me getting cancer to have the courage to pursue it and I have not looked back since. I love doing the show. You can catch me at 8am on a Sunday morning on Kildare's KFM [but not during the month of August].

It is hard to believe that I was as weak as that. When I read back the 2007 part and see that I could not lift Cathal and he was only 2. Now he is almost 8 and he regularly hurls himself at me and expects me to catch him.

We are planning his birthday present for 19 August when he turns 8. A proper bike for him. I hope he likes it.

We are heading away next weekend to Cobh and a farm in the middle of nowhere. Should be fun.

Great to be happy and healthy.

B

xx

Just now 12 September 2012

I am aware that I have neglected this blog for a couple of days. Fear not, there are more posts to come. Life has been getting in the way the last few days. The exciting news is that this blog has made it to the SHORTLIST of the Irish Blog Awards in the health category. I am delighted and just wanted to say thanks for reading and sharing my posts on FB and Twitter. I will keep you posted about the Awards and will be back posting tomorrow. B xxxxxx

Saturday 4 August 2007 and Saturday 4 August 2012

Saturday 4 August 2007 = THEN

Everyone left me today. My sis went to Belturbet and Mam went with her. 

I guess it has been hard for people who have been helping out to be away from their own places and comforts.  I guess I am on my own.

Friday 3 August 2007 and Friday 3 August 2012

Friday 3 August 2007 = THEN 

Woke up this morning to squeals from the kids……the younger ones that is. It was great to wake up my own bed. Was pukey first thing and I guess this is what it is going to be like for a while. I am very shaky. 

Thursday 2 August 2007 and Thursday 2 August 2012

Thursday 2 August 2007 = THEN [HOMEWARD BOUND] 

I had a great night’s sleep last night. When I woke up I had an upset tummy. It was minor in comparison to what I have had all month.

So the big news from today is that I am finally going home. 

Wednesday 1 August 2007 and Wednesday 1 August 2012

Wednesday 1 August 2007 = THEN 

I am a calendar month in hospital today. But hurray, I am being allowed home for a few hours to see how I manage. I am nervous but really looking forward to being in my own home again.

Tuesday 31 July 2007 and Tuesday 31 July 2012

[Okay so just to catch people up as I am posting this as my Blog Ireland Awards blogger challenge, using the words winning and help. 

In January 2007 I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, an incurable form of bone marrow cancer. I basically took the year off and had a gruelling stem cell transplant in Tallaght and James's Hospitals in Dublin. The transplant process started on 4 July 2007 and I kept a journal the whole time. Now five year's later I am blogging what I was doing then and now as the days and dates match up! So you can see what I was up to on those days in 2007 as well as how I am getting on with things now. So here's what was happening on 31 July 2007]

Tuesday 31 July 2007 = THEN 

I woke up coughing and spluttering. Because my stomach is so used to vomiting, it just all kicked off and I felt awful. One step forward, two steps back. The nurses gave me something to settle it. It is just all this horrid mucus which has been lying on my chest from being copped up and immobile for a month.

Dr Sean was in early and he was reviewing my results. I get blood taken every morning – every morning since I have been in here, the wonderful phlebotomist has been in and I am very fond of her. She is such a lady. Anyway Dr Sean was looking at the results and looking at me and we were chatting. Dr Sean and Dr Larry are my two registrars and even though I only met them for the first time on 4^th July,  we have a great rapport which is so important.

Dr Sean said I have a very practical attitude to all the setbacks and awfulness I am having. I guess I am of the view that there is no point in being hysterical.

The great news is that they are giving serious thought to letting me home for good at the weekend. But they may want me to try going home for a few hours first maybe tomorrow or the day after.

Nurse Emer was back on days today – she has been gone for a week and she could not get over the improvement in me. She said it is just wonderful to see it.

I went outside the hospital today into the fresh air for the first time since 4^th July. It was raining but the rain and the air just felt wonderful. I feel dry and parched from being cooped up and it’s just fabulous to be out again. I managed the whole trip from the ward to the front of the hospital without any help. Result!

On the way back to my hospital room I caught sight of my reflection in one of the windows and I got a shock. I seem to have shrunk. I look like a stick insect – like the character from A Bug’s Life. I guess not eating for a month will do that.

Big News this afternoon. My central line into my chest was pulled out today at 12.40pm by Dr Larry. Woo hoo. It’s gone. The line was put in on 21 May to allow my stem cells to be harvested and then to give access for the transplant and all the supportive treatment. It took a huge yank/pull to get it to come out and I have a little hole where the plastic tube was. This will close over in time. It will heal naturally. It was a bit gross though and I was very nervous during the procedure.

I am hopefully getting  home for a few hours tomorrow. My brother is collecting me as Bryan is taking Emma to have some teeth out in the dental  hospital. I am too weak to go and the team here said no, that it is not a good idea for me to be in a dental hospital.

One of my friends called in this evening and she said that another friend of ours who called in a  couple of weeks ago was visibly traumatised by the way I looked then.  It must have been horrific for people to have to watch me. Perhaps I should have warned people better.

Fingers crossed. Downhill from here!

Tuesday 31 July 2012 - NOW 

Today is my last day in work before my holidays and I cannot wait for the break. It has been a hectic year so far. We have lots of things planned. It is strange to be able to plan again. Back in 2007 there were so many unknowns. Even now, we can't plan more than a month or two in advance as we just never know how my health will be. 

But it is a great feeling to know that I will be spending the holidays with family. It was pretty grim back in 2007 for the kids and my hubby, to not have a holiday and to be living under such a dark shadow. 

Then just when we thought we could plan again, I was taken seriously ill on the first day of our Summer holidays in 2009 and instead of heading away in the car, I was being rushed by ambulance to Tallaght Hospital with the lights and sirens blaring. I developed a life-threatening blood clot in my lung. Another one of my nine lives used up.

So this year we have plans and time together which is great.

It makes me feel that I am finally winning, just a nose ahead, in this battle with cancer.

Happy Holidays. Here is the video I share every year as I head off on holidays. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GL62OB0c1Y

B 

xx

Monday 30 July 2007 and Monday 30 July 2012

Monday 30 July 2007 = THEN

I had probably the best night’s sleep last night that I have had, since I came in to hospital on July 4^th. I didn’t feel sick at all. I had breakfast but then I felt a bit sick so they gave me some anti-sickness meds. We are trying to get the balance right between weaning me off the anti-sickness meds and making sure I don’t feel sick or have to vomit.

I managed to take some of my tablets orally today for the first time in weeks. That and keeping my breakfast down are all steps closer to freedom for me.

I saw my consultant and she said that the thing worrying her at the moment are the spikes in temperature that I keep getting. It may be the line in my chest so she made a decision to take it out today. I am very nervous about it coming out as it had to be surgically inserted. How can they take it out here in the room?

But I will be glad to be free of it I guess.  

The GOING HOME words were mentioned today for the first time. Halleluia! I am nearly there.

The doctors need to be sure that all the toxicity in my gut has settled so there is a little bit of a way to go yet. Boy has my gut been toxic!

I have vomited so much and had so many visits to the toilet! Eugh. I have been on four different mouth washes to prevent me picking up a bacterial infection, a fungal infection, thrush [which I have anyway] and something to protect my teeth. It has been fairly rancid! 

Cathal was on the phone to me first thing this morning, telling me he is better and that he is coming to collect me very soon [I was crying]. He went on to tell me how much he is missing me. Gosh I can’t wait to hold him in my arms and to hug him and just see him. It has been very hard to be away from him for almost a month. 

I have been lucky to see Emma a couple of times but I can’t wait to spend time with her too. She is at the dentist today. It’s hard not being there for her. She has overcrowding so will have to have some teeth out later in the week. Yikes! Another thing I won’t be able to be there for and that is very hard. 

I saw the Counsellor this afternoon and we had a good chat. I was a little bit angry because I felt that I had not been prepared for the utter awfulness of the last few weeks. I would have liked to have spoken to someone who had already been through it, but I guess that wasn’t possible. There isn’t even a Myeloma website or organisation for Ireland.

My wonderful hubby Bryan came in – he has been a knight, amazing and supportive and a real test of the in sickness and in health part of our marriage vows. He passed with flying colours.

Tired tonight.

Home is on the horizon.

Monday 30 July 2012 = NOW

In work just for today and tomorrow and then annual leave for three weeks. I can't wait. It has been such a hectic year so far and I have done so much. Still on a bit of a high after my wonderful results at the hospital last week. Long may they keep stable and steady.

Three appointments arrived for me in the post today - one for my next haematology visit in September for bloods etc. The other is for my renal consultant in October. The final one kind of caught me off guard as it is for an ultrasound of my kidneys. Why? There was no reference to this at any of my recent visits. Have they found something on a recent test? I wish they would explain things better in letters rather than freaking patients out! Flip sake. I hope it is just routine.

The medical stuff just doesn't go away. It's always there hanging over me. Anyway, for now I am well and that will do me for the next couple of months. 

For now I am going ahead and making plans for the next couple of weeks - relaxing, visiting, chilling out.

B

xx

Nominated for the Blog Awards Ireland

Taking time out from my Then and Now blog to let you know that I am on the longlist for the Blog Awards Ireland for Best Personal Blog and Best Healthcare Blog. Really thrilled. All the details about the Blog Awards are at the link below, if you want to have a read.

http://www.blogawardsireland.com/category/blog-awards-ireland-long-list/

The shortlist is being announced in September so keep an eye out. You never know, I might just make it.

B

xx

Sunday 29 July 2007 and Sunday 29 July 2012

Sunday 29 July 2007 = THEN

I spoke to Cathal on the phone this morning. He sounds so grown up. I am desperate to see him. I doubt I will get out today for a few hours. I just want to hug him and to kiss him and to feel his warm little wriggly body in my arms.

It has been so tough for him. Bryan took a pic of me on his mobile and he showed it to Cathal and Cathal said ‘ make her talk to me’. It’s heart wrenching really when he asks me ‘Do you not want to come home to me Mammy?

Bryan and Emma came up to see me. Emma looks so beautiful and I am just so frustrated at not being able to spend her summer holidays with her. She is an amazing girl - Cathal and her are the two greatest achievements of my life.

Sunday 29 July 2012 = NOW

Amazing day today. Mass in St Colman's Cathedral in Cobh, Co Cork first thing and then a walk home.

We decided to take a trip around the harbour in Cobh and to follow the Titanic tour.

Neither of the kids had ever been on a boat like that before so it was a big deal for them. We have been to Cobh so many times but we just never got around to doing the harbour tour.

We were blessed with the weather - the sun came out and the clouds moved off to reveal a beautiful blue sky.

I took some great photos - have a look at them  at the Facebook link below:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151003034694065.412060.750689064&type=3&l=9ed20c1f8a

This is me channeling my inner Kate Winslet in Titanic as we steam away from Cobh......

Great day.

B xxx

Saturday 28 July 2007 and Saturday 28 July 2012

Saturday 28 July 2007 = THEN

BREAKFAST REQUESTED BY ME FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!!!!!!!

I was awake very early this morning and I asked for breakfast for the first time since being admitted on the 4 July. The catering staff were stunned as I had all trays banned from the room for almost a month now.

I had some rice crispies and some  orange juice. The juice tasted like heaven. It was the nicest glass of juice I have ever had. It stayed down all day.

My stomach is very swollen, it looks almost distended.It is very strange to be able to think about food again without retching.

Bryan came up and he thought that I looked so much better. I am improving slowly each day.

I didn’t get  home today for a few hours as I developed a temperature so they held onto me. I was disappointed at not being able to see Cathal. I haven’t seen him for weeks and I miss him. I feel very jealous of the people who are getting to spend time with him!

I got sick again this evening- came on very suddenly. It’s deflating when it happens. Just when I think I am past it, it happens again. It was probably the orange juice which is way too harsh for my tummy. I should have known better.

[For those just tuning in - this is a then and now blog about my stem cell transplant in July 2007 to treat myeloma and a catch up with what I am up to five year's later in July 2012].

Saturday 28 July 2012 = NOW

Road trip today down to see the inlaws. We were also trying out the new car. Just an overnight so one bag each was the limit for all passengers and it worked.

Al was going well and then BANG - a blow-out of a brand new tyre on the motorway. Very scary. Put the heart crossways in me. We wer very lucky that we were able to control the car. Hubby was the hero of the hour.

We made it safely to Cork after changing the tyre at the side of the motorway.

All was well.

God is good

B xxxx

Friday 27 July 2007 and Friday 27 July 2012

Friday 27 July 2007 = THEN

Conor [my brother] and my Dad arrived to see me today. My Dad doesn’t do hospitals so this is his first visit to me in hospital. I think he got a shock when he saw me. In fact, I know he got a shock when he saw me. Bald, bruised and a shadow of the person I was when he last saw me. He said I looked like Sinead O’Connor.

We talked about Belturbet where I come from and he was telling me about all the people who were asking for me and wishing me well.

They stayed for hours which was great as we caught up on all sorts and it felt good.

I asked Bryan to take a break from visiting me. I felt very tired. Visitors are so welcome but I just get so tired. I felt a bit of nausea so they gave me something which did the trick.

A day of chat which kept my mind off things. Was good.

Friday 27 July 2012 = NOW

Today is the last Friday before my holidays. I am taking three weeks off in August. Woo Hoo!

I also take a break from doing my radio show which I present each Sunday morning on KFM in Co Kildare.

I have always wanted to do radio and going through cancer just gives you the courage to say yes to things, that maybe you would have been nervous about before. That is certainly the case with me. I have done so many things since my recovery from cancer. It's not a bucket list as I do not intend to kick the bucket any time soon.

Cancer gave me the courage to say yes to all sorts and I have had so much fun for the past five years.

I hope to continue to say yes to new challenges for many years to come.

B xxxxx

Thursday 26 July 2007 and Thursday 26 July 2012

THEN AND NOW

Thursday 26 July 2007 - Then

Thursday 26 July 2007 = THEN

BEST DAY SO FAR

I had a good night last night. I slept the best since I have come into hospital. I am off all drips and antibiotics since last night. My eyes are slowly beginning to clear of blood and bruising. I slept a lot today – sleep is a great healer for the body.

My consultant came into see me and she said something that made my heart almost lift to the sky ‘Brenda’, she said, ‘You are finally off my list of people to be worried about!’.

I was thrilled. She went on to tell me that I have been one of the sickest people she has taken through the stem-cell transplant.

I drank loads today and it all stayed down thank God. I am still not able to eat but my consultant said I wasn't to worry, just to take it easy.

Emma has been away at pony camp and she won a trophy. She is over the moon.

I have visitors and texts all the time which is great.  But, sometimes it’s weird that life is going on around me but without me. It’s great to hear news from people and to know that the world is waiting for me to re-join it - hopefully some day very soon.

There is talk today about me being let out for a few hours over the weekend. Wow. I am amazed. I am just on a few intravenous drugs at the moment – all the drips and permanent attachments are gone so I am freer.

I feel that I am slowly coming back to myself – I am taking babay steps but they feel so good.

My bloods are getting better - they have gone from zero counts:

White Cells 3.7 [normal range 4.0 - 10.0]

Haemoglobin: 9.6 [normal range is 12 - 15]

Platelets: 37 [normal platelet count should be between 150 - 400]

Creatinine: 169 [normal creatinine is from 53 to 97]

Still this is huge progress.

Thursday 26 July 2012 = Now

Today was a day off for me but also involved my bi-monthly check-up with my haematologist in Tallaght Hospital. As the kids are on holidays, they came with me. Cathal [aged 7] was full of questions all the way up in the car.  

My first stop in the hospital was to have my bloods taken. Cathal was allowed to look and the nurse who was taking them was really nice and gave him loads of really helpful answers. His main question was why they were taking so many little vials of blood.

The blood was whisked off to the labs in an urgent bag. Then it was off to the little cafe run by volunteers for some hot chocolate and a muffin - my usual routine.

We headed upstairs to collect my chart. I saw loads of new patients in the haematology day ward which is like a second home to me.

I said hi to the nurses. One of them said she was talking about me the other day to another patient as she had heard me on the radio talking about my work. The nurses and I have a special relationship - they are proud of me for getting through my treatment and I will be indebted to them forever for all they did and still do for me.

Then off we went to wait to see the consultant in the Rapid Access Clinic. I am usually alone, tweeting and receiving loads of tweets of support. This time Emma and Cathal were with me and we were laughing and giggling as I somehow got my hair caught in the cardiac arrest red phone on the wall. We were sure we had summonsed the crash team to us!

Then the consultant arrived and said hello and he took my chart and went in to his room to get the numbers from my blood tests a couple of hours earlier.

It always seems to take ages for him to call me and I start to think 'what has he found?' or 'it's bloody well come back' or 'oh crap'.

Then he called me in and we shake hands and he asks me the usual questions:

• Any pain?
• Any infections?
• Anything I am worried about?
• Anything he should know about?

I answer all with a no.

Then I take out my Oncology Diary - the little blue book that I have been using since the day Iwas diagnosed. It has all the results and important dates and information.

I fill in my bloods as he calls out the results:

• White CellCount 4.8
• Neutrophils 2.7
• Haemoblobin 12.4
• Platelets 223
• Urea 8.9
• Creatinine [kidney function] 138 about the best it will ever be for me
• No para proteins and no evidence of Myeloma

An A++ result. The best result I could get. It's an amazing way to mark five years since my transplant.

Of course he cautions me that there is no permanent remission for Myeloma and that it will come back. But 'we don't have to worry about that now'. Good. He also reminds me that there are loads of treatment options for me, when it does. Not if it does, when it does.

It's a result for me and I am off the hook for another two months.

I go out to Cathal and Emma and give them the thumbs up and off we go to enjoy the rest of my day off and their holidays.

God is very good indeed.

Five years and counting and it is truly great to be still off the consultant's list of people to be worried about.

B

xxx

 
 
 

 

Wednesday 25 July 2007 and Wednesday 25 July 2012

Wednesday 25 July 2007 = Then

I am three weeks in hospital today. I am not feeling sick – I guess being back on the anti-sickness drug is helping me. I had a bath all by myself today and flooded the room.

I feel I am turning a corner on the road to recovery and it is a truly wonderful feeling. I haven’t seen myself in a proper mirror for a long time so I have no idea what I look like. I have seen my eyes in my small cosmetic mirror. They are still pretty bad.

I still wasn't able for any food today. I am drinking a bit more and keeping it in so they have taken me off the drip as I am starting to retain fluid.

I have told Bryan he has to have a day free of the hospital. He has finally agreed and is taking tomorrow night off. I am drifing in and out of sleep all the time during the day. I am exhausted even though all I do all day is lie on the bed. I start watching an episode of something on the TV and fall asleep. I have missed loads of episodes of Murder She Wrote so I have no idea who has done all those murders!!!!!! Anyone??

I entered the Club Source Competition today by post. I submitted two new flavours so I will wait and see if they ever end up in the shops.

Wednesday 25 July 2012 = Now

I am laughing reading back about the Club Source competition. Even when I was really ill, I was still up to all sorts, albeit somewhat restricted by a hospital bed and no WIFI!

I don't think I won the Club Source competition as I do not remember seeing any of the flavours I created on the shelves - back to the drawing board. Perhaps I am not meant to be an inventor of drinks!

Busy day in work and just a few days to go until holidays 2012. Can't wait. We have loads planned but all at home this year. No Roma for us this year.

B xxx

Tuesday 24 July 2007 and Tuesday 24 July 2012

Tuesday 24 July 2007 = THEN

I puked early this morning.

I have been put back on one of the anti sickness drugs as maybe I came off things too rapidly. Hopefully the anti sickness drug will help. 

I had an okay day without anymore vomiting. It's hilarious really that I measure the success of my days by the number of vomiting I am doing! Not! 

I haven’t eaten now for 20 days. They are looking after me with food through a drip and I am not wanting for any vitamins etc 

Breakthrough though - I am finally able to allow some liquid, some of the drinks into my tummy. Slowly, slowly.

My latest craving is Apple flavoured Capri Sun. I was trying to text sis to tell her what to get me when she was on the drinks aisle in Tescos but I kept drifing off. 

She arrived with a delivery of a few boxes of Capri sun. I could open a shop at this stage with the range of drinks that I have.

Bryan was up. I keep telling him not to come every day as it must be killing him. He is working and doing stuff at the house and the he is up and down from Newbridge to Tallaght.

I really miss Cathal. I haven’t seen him for 20 days. Will he even remember me? Emma recorded some video of me talking on her mobile phone and she took some pics when she was in. When she showed him the pics he said 'Make her Talk'. He comes on the phone to me and says: "Mammy do you not want to come home to me?" My heart is breaking. 

I ate two teaspoons of natural youhurt but they made me sick.

I am officially sick of being sick! 

Tuesday 24 July 2012 = NOW

Cathal has learned off my mobile number and he rings me now every few minutes. He is still asking me when I am coming home from work! LOL!

They are getting very self sufficient now. It's great to have had so many birthdays. Back then I was hoping to make it to his 3rd birthday......

I have a lot to be thankful for.......

I am a lucky girl........

B

Monday 23 July 2007 and Monday 23 July 2012

Monday 23 July 2007 = THEN 

I had my first normal sleep last night. I also had another night without vomiting. I am hopingto be allowed down to the shop by myself today.

Maguire Ward is becoming a real second home for me. The staff are amazing here. Nurse Eimear is just incredible. 

I have a list of questions ready for my registrars when they come to see me:

At what point will you consider letting me home?

Do I have to be able to swallow tablets and eat before you will let me home?

What level do my blood counts have to be at before I can leave?

Can I do anything to expedite the process that will see me going home?

Lot of questions! 

I am disappointed that I vomited late this evening. I thought I was done with the vomiting but I guess not. It’s hard not to feel downcast.

Monday 23 July 2012 = NOW

Booked my annual leave off from work today - starting it on August 1. I can't wait. I can plan something and head off here, there and everywhere! Well within reason as we are having a staycation.

Raining.

I don't care. I will just enjoy being .....

B

Sunday 22 July 2007 and Sunday 22 July 2012

Sunday 22 July 2007 = THEN

I was awake very early this morning. I felt like having a glass of milk but I took two sips and wasn’t able to have anymore. 

I haven’t eaten a single bit of food since July 4. I can’t even imagine ever being able to eat again.

I am sore all over today – my arms, legs, back, chest and every muscle I have seems to be weighing me down. It must be because of the additional movement out of the bed that I had yesterday to the shop and back.

I am definitely feeling better though. 

Sara arrived again and she walked me down to the bathroom as I was given permission to be out of my room long enough to have a bath. The bath felt amazing. It was luxurious and delicious. The walk just a few yards though was very wearing and I needed to be helped the whole way there and back. Sara has been a saint - she is the greatest.

I had a list of questions for my doctor Larry and he went through everything with me. Wait for it - The GOING HOME words were mentioned for the first time today – wow. 

It must be in sight. Amazing feeling......

It was a good day today all in all. I was able to chew and then spit out some fruits pieces. I have also had my first 24 hours free of any vomiting which is amazing.

Sunday 22 July 2012 = NOW 

Up bright and early this morning for my radio show. Got a lot of reaction about the music - Attraversiamo from Eat, Pray, Love was one of the tracks. Attraversiamo means to cross over and I really have crossed over a huge milestone of five year's since my transplant. Five precious years.......

Reading back at the Then part is hard at times. I question myself 'was it really that bad?'. Yes it was! It was the worst. It was the most gruelling and challenging thing I have ever been through.......

B

x

Saturday 21 July 2007 and Saturday 21 July 2012

Saturday 21 July 2007 = THEN

I am writing this in the early hours of the morning. Mam and Conor came in today. My mum in law went home to Cork. 

I am very lucky to have the Mum and the Mum in law that I have as they are keeping the show on the road for us at home. 

Conor has been a little treasure to me since I’ve been in here. He has come with drinks, he has come to talk and he has come just to sit with me when I have been unable to talk.

Bryan came up today again – he must be worn out with all the running around. We sat on the bed together and I just needed to be held. We sat for ages just holding on, not speaking. I think we are both too shocked and numb to talk.

HUGE NEWS: 

I managed to walk to the hospital shop with Bryan – it was a major achievement. I kept my sunglasses on as I didn't want to frighten small children. 

I got myself a can of Club Orange and I drank it all – it went down and it was like the nicest thing I have ever tasted in my whole life. Cold and sweet and refreshing and just manna!

About a half an hour later it all came back up, it was just too much for my stomach to take.

One step forward and two steps back.......so frustrating..........when will I be able to eat and drink normally again? I still haven't managed any food. The last bite to eat was on July 4th. 

Saturday 21 July 2012 = NOW

Busy day doing all the things I like. Good food cooked at home on the BBQ. Yes we had a BBQ. We seized the two to three hours of warmth and clear skies and stoked up the BBQ. There was a nice glass of fizz too....... 

B

xx