Saturday 14 July 2007 and Saturday 14 July 2012

Saturday 14 July 2007 = THEN 

This next piece is maybe not for the squeamish

Vomiting and diarrhoea at 7.20am

I have now started to wear an adult nappy as I am getting no warning of when the vomiting comes and once I start to vomit I lose control of everything else. It’s not exactly what I planned or expected but I have no choice but to go with the flow – literally!

I just tried to swallow a tablet as I want to make progress and it got stuck and came back up with blood! Very frightening. I am really raw now in the gut – the transplant information book said that would happen. A nose bleed started at the same time. I am finding it very very tough at the moment. It’s hard to smile. I have no energy so I am struggling to speak. It must be so hard for Bryan to see me like this. I am a monster. The chemo is completely brutal and I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I am trying to be brave but it’s hard!

Each day I hope will be the start of me feeling better! I miss the simple things. I miss drinking a glass of water, or a glass of ice cold coke. I miss the feel of fresh air of being outside feeling the wind and rain on my face and hair!

I miss Cathal so much – his little face and his arms around my neck. I miss his kisses and the smell of his hair. I even miss changing his nappy with his kicky little legs flailing everywhere. I miss sitting on my couch and I really miss sleeping in my own bed. I miss the sound of my cat Watchie purring on the end of the bed. I miss the security of Bryan in bed beside me, even if his snoring sometimes keeps me awake. I miss Emma and the noises from her bedroom, her jokes and just hearing how her day was.....




Saturday 14 July 2012 = NOW


It's upsetting for me to read this. Cathal, my son was almost three and Emma was nine. It was just so unfair for them to have to be without me for so long..........It was all so horribly brutal and really there was very little of my dignity left at that stage of the treatment....I was hanging on my my fingernails.


This day five year's later in July 2012 I am in Germany, but homeward bound. I got home in the later afternoon and Cathal, who is now 7, almost knocked me off my feet, he jumped into my arms with such force. Emma, a more reserved teenager now, was very happy too.


We had a lovely evening and I was so glad to sink into my own bed and room, despite the fact that I do not have remote control black out blinds for the window. I wonder is there a company in Ireland which does them........


B